


Black Heart

by TrollObi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mandalorian Culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-07
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-10-11 23:57:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20554832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrollObi/pseuds/TrollObi
Summary: Walon's thoughts after Etain's death.





	Black Heart

**Author's Note:**

> My English sucks, it's not my native language. Sorry for any mistakes.
> 
> Mando'a vocabulary:  
Udesii - calm down  
Aliit - clan/family  
Di'kut - an idiot  
Shab - damn

They were all too busy with their own sadness and regret to notice missing of one person. The figure in the black beskar'gam was clearly visible in the snow. Walon felt that his presence, in this hard moment for the whole clan, was out of place. He wanted to give them some time, he also needed a moment alone. That's why he came here, on the shore of a frozen lake illuminated by the last of the day's sun, let his thoughts flow freely.

“That is not my aliit. I knew Etain, but I can't grieve for her like they can. Like that little di'kut Kal. Everyone thinks that underneath the black armour there is an equally black heart. For them I am a bogeyman from nightmares. They think I don't know what emotions are.  
It's not like that.  
I just pushed them all to the bottom of my soul many years ago. I did it because I know that if you don't care about anyone, you don't have a close person, you can't make you suffer. And all these feelings have remained there until now.  
Until Sev and Kashyyyk.  
That was my Order 66. One of my boys is missing and I can't find him. Sev was one of the best students, maybe even the best. It was clear that he always wanted me to be proud of him. Just like his brothers, the whole training was afraid, to disappoint me. And I was the one who let him down.”

In his direction, through the shallow snow, goes Mird. Walon leans down to stroke him, at which point the animal grabs him gently by the sleeve and pulls him to sit down. Snow is not the best to seat, but the mandalorian doesn't care.

“Mird’ika seems to know my thoughts. A beloved animal.”

Sev is not the only problem. I think it's the first time since I joined the Mandalorians I've been wondering who I really am and what I should do next. Shab! There is no more war between me and Skirata, but it doesn't make it any easier. When I look at his clan, I feel jealous. I envy his ad'ike that they have something that I never had. And most likely I won't. The view of this fortress makes me realize that if I want to, I can change something. Of course, I will not, suddenly, be a good uncle Walon. Udesii, I wasn't that crazy. But finally I have a place to go back to. When I saw it for the first time I promised myself that as soon as I finished helping Kal, I would get out of here in any direction. That I wouldn't treat it like a house. Fierfek, I think I'm getting sentimental. 

"Mird'ika, maybe you can give me a hint. Do you want to stay here? Do you think it would be a good idea? Finally, we will have almost a home. "

Strill raised his head from the armour plate. He looked at his owner by turning his head. His amber eyes opened wider and a quiet murmur came out of his mouth. The man stood up, shaking off the armour from the white flakes.

"Come on, Mirdalan. I will trust you and we will do as you wish."

The figure in the black beskar'gam started walking towards the building. 

“And I promised myself I'd just be passing through!”

He smiled at his thoughts. The Mandalorian and the strill started to head towards the house.


End file.
